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The Ballad of The Lost Decade
Merle Haggard’s music may possibly be the most depressing force on earth I’ve ever known. My relationship to this man’s crooning began many years ago when I worked at a flea market on the outskirts of a southcentral Kentucky town called Bowling Green. Now […]
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21 Ways It Could Be Worse
Life is hard. Being a parent is really hard. Sometimes when I’m having one of “those” days with Caroline (the kind ending in ‘y’), I try to remind myself that it could always be worse. The following examples are not meant to be taken […]
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Top Ten Ways to Be Late
The top 10 ways for you and your 5-year-old to be late for school and work… or, my Monday through Friday The night before school/work, consume a quantity of alcohol equivalent to that needed for nineteenth century surgery. This ensures you will sleep restlessly through […]
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Statistical Happiness
Statistically speaking, I should be ecstatic to be alive. Every day should be an exhilarating and wonderful experience to be appreciated, just based on the numbers. I am one of approximately 107 billion people who have ever existed. Ever, on the whole planet. And I […]
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That Time I Locked Us Out On Halloween
Although temperatures soared into the mid-80’s earlier in the week, the night of Halloween 2014 dipped to a frigid 35 degrees, because of course. This year Caroline decided she was going to be “Dorothy Anne” from The Wizard of Oz, not because she was familiar […]
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I Have a Disorder
I have a disorder. It’s self-diagnosed, and—strictly from a nomenclature standpoint—doesn’t exist. I call it Excessive Focus Disorder, or sometimes I just say I’m “effed.” On the outside it might look like I’m a slob, or forgetful, absentminded, head-in-the-clouds, procrastinating or lazy, but I’m really […]
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That Time I Decided To Go Hiking During Elk Mating Season
I slept in my bra last night. It happens a lot. But last night, Caroline crawled into bed with me somewhere around the two o’clock hour and peed the sheets somewhere around the six o’clock hour. I mean she really soaked em good, and got […]
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That Time We Went to the Zoo (First Ever Blog)
Caroline told me she wanted to go to the zoo. This meant we were going to the zoo. We started off with a berry and kale shake. I took the picture, then realized there was bare butt in it and that would never do. Then […]