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Please Help Stop the Tax Reform Bill From Hurting Adoptive Families Like Mine
There are many ways the new Republican tax plan will have adverse effects on real people, but the one that is the most hypocritical for the party itself, the most heartless, and the one that will affect me personally the most in the coming year […]
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What to Expect When You’re Expecting… Wait, Is That Already Taken?
I’m a 40-year-old gay lady, so getting pregnant was never something I thought about much. I’d heard about the basics of being pregnant—the morning sickness, the swollen feet, something called trimesters that added up to about 9 months. I knew you shouldn’t smoke or drink […]
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Willingly Throwing A Child’s Birthday Party Is A Sign of Insanity… Or, How I’ve Thrown A Party Every Year For Caroline
Ever since the stork left an 18-month old girl on my doorstep, I have had the dilemma of what to do for her birthday. I have helped her celebrate 6 of them so far. Today—September 25th—she turns 7, and the party was yesterday. Every damn […]
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Baby Seeds
This morning, whilst driving to summer camp, I thought Caroline and I would have a nice casual conversation. For some reason, I decided to make the topic about siblings. Seemingly innocent. WRONG. It went awry, quickly. Because, as usual, I’m an idiot. Me: Would you […]
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I’m a Godless Gay Liar, or The Story of How I Got Caroline
“It doesn’t matter that you’re gay,” the social worker said. “It matters that you are a liar. And if you’ll lie about this, what else will you lie about?” Anyone who follows my blog or Missouri included. It is a skillful way to […]
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Are You My Mother?
I am a fraud. I have purposefully lied to my five-year old on numerous occasions, and have upheld those lies in a complex web of deceit bordering on conspiracy. I lie to her daily, in fact. Naturally I employ the usual falsehoods necessitated by modern […]
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Isn’t It Ironic?
I wasn’t the likeliest of parents. I’m gay, was never married, have never been pregnant, and up until my mid-thirties had only wondered what it might be like to be a mom. But my life changed forever when a district court awarded […]
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Top Ten Ways to Be Late
The top 10 ways for you and your 5-year-old to be late for school and work… or, my Monday through Friday The night before school/work, consume a quantity of alcohol equivalent to that needed for nineteenth century surgery. This ensures you will sleep restlessly through […]
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That Time I Locked Us Out On Halloween
Although temperatures soared into the mid-80’s earlier in the week, the night of Halloween 2014 dipped to a frigid 35 degrees, because of course. This year Caroline decided she was going to be “Dorothy Anne” from The Wizard of Oz, not because she was familiar […]
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I Have a Disorder
I have a disorder. It’s self-diagnosed, and—strictly from a nomenclature standpoint—doesn’t exist. I call it Excessive Focus Disorder, or sometimes I just say I’m “effed.” On the outside it might look like I’m a slob, or forgetful, absentminded, head-in-the-clouds, procrastinating or lazy, but I’m really […]